Why are you adopting?

This a normal question, I think. Some people ask it hesistantly, as if it's a taboo question. For us, it is fine. Adoption is not for everyone, so it's natural that some might be curious. Now, if I were inclined to equivilate all aspects of adoption with pregnancy, I might see where the hesistation comes in. It probably would not be acceptable to ask a newly announced pregnant couple: "Why are you pregnant?" But, throughout this process, I've learned that they really are two different ball games. Sure, they're both hard, exhausting, trying, exciting, emotional roller coasters, etc., but there are big differences.

After Abrehet's death, we asked this question--why are we doing this to ourselves? Willingly going through all the WAITING, all the UNCERTAINLY, lack of control, etc. Losing this baby made us stop and reflect on the reasons we're doing this and consider the question of "why us?" as most do after a tragedy.

Simply put: we are adopting because we must. We desperately want to and feel like since not everyone has this intense desire, that means we must. For our home study we had to answer this question more in depth, and yes, certain influences drew us to adoption (especially our awesome nephew E). Bottom line, though, is that we know it's the way we are supposed to start our family.

This brings me to #2--the "why us" part of suffering. Obviously there are no answers. But here's a thought that has brought us some peace. If we had not been lucky enough to get Abrehet's referral, someone else would've. Maybe, just maybe, that person/couple had already endured hardships in the way of infertility and/or miscarriages. With all of that, maybe her death would've been too much for her/them. Well, we haven't experienced that other kind of pain. For us, her death was awful and almost too much to bear, but we did it (are doing it). She was supposed to be ours, and we got to love her from afar, and then mourn her from afar. And we're okay with that, and are able to keep going.

Our adoption story continues. Both good and frustrating things are happening, but we're still in this long waiting game...I wonder if I'll miss the waiting once it's all over? Hard to fathom at this point.