Baby A's Story

It's been a rough week.

The good news is that I was looking forward to getting to finally share our referral story, and I can do that now. However, this one won't be our baby. Instead, I can look forward to telling our second referral story--hopefully not too far down the road.

On April 16th, around 7:20 am we got THE CALL from our case worker--we had a referral of a baby girl! Baby A could be ours. Age: 3 months, with an actual known birthday (rare in Ethiopia). I woke Shannon up and we looked at her little pictures. She had a big round head with a curlicue on top, and we started calling her Cabbage Patch Baby. Her medicals were a bit off, and we were waiting for a 3rd blood test. Still, she looked healthy and happy and we watched her turn 4 months, and then 5 months. I was following her development in What to Expect the 1st Year.

A few weeks ago, Shannon had some serious concerns about how Baby A came to be at the orphanage. We had very little information, but our agency assured us that what we had was all they had, and that before she entered the care center the government agency had reviewed her case. We wrote an email requesting more information, and voicing our concerns. We sent it off and were waiting for a reply, hopeful our questions would be answered.

Two nights ago we received another call. It was something we had feared in the back of our minds: Baby A's mother returned to take her home. Although we had heard of this happening, it was still shocking. Evidently it happens about 5% of the time. Now we know.

It was a sad night. I really thought I would be her Mama. BUT, she already has a mama, and her mama wants her. That's the bottom line. What if we had taken her too soon? We're glad she's getting one-on-one attention. I bet her mama is thrilled to see that big smile. How can we be sad about that? Really, we can't.

Today, I think we’re okay. We'll think about her for the rest of our lives, and hope and pray she has a wonderful life. But I don't feel the loss that I expected to feel. Somehow we know this is right, and there's comfort in that. I truly believe that Shannon's concerns a few weeks ago were placed there deliberately to prepare us for this. It's either that, or believe in the strangest of strange coincidences. We know better.

House huntin'

I've acquired a new obsession just when my previous ones started to get old: looking for new digs. It has been a strange process figuring out how to go about this, but now I know--I have to do it myself. Which is fine, because that way I am Totally. In. Charge. I was first under the impression that I must wait for my oh-so-powerful-school to make all the arrangements, but alas, I was deceived. You know what they say, right? In order to do something right...really? Have I turned into that person?

So, in a few short minutes I will go meet mystery real estate person C and look at what seems to be Perfect on Paper. "Open Kitchen" is even part of the description. What? In China? Plus, the complex has a sweet pool and is close to my school. Fingers crossed.

Of course, along with searching for a new place I have also had to think about decorating it. I believe this may be called nesting. I have an intense desire to paint Baby Girl's room, find soft stuff and make it pretty. Mind you, I have not been able to really do this (decorate/settle) for 4 years. We have had a total "on the move" mentality, and that unfortunately has meant little to no wall hangings, 3 pots only, and suitcases nearby in case we need to jet. Now, I don't care about that. I don't care if we will be in this new place for one year only. It will be Baby Girl's first home with us, and it has to be nice. I have resolved to keep simplicity at my core, but I'm ready for the Next Step. Now, how to get Husband on board?

Balance

Cambodia WAS all that, and more. Loved it. If you haven't already seen these, you can check 'em out: http://picasaweb.google.com/lindsnol/CambodiaAndSingaporeVacation#.

As for adoption...I'm just going to go ahead and get it out there: I can be obsessive. This is not the greatest attribute a person can have to begin with, but I think adoption can cause the most laid-back person to obsess on a daily (possibly hourly) basis. As soon as I get a response/answer to one thing, I'm on to the next. And oddly, when it feels like there is nothing I can obsess about, I feel worse than if I were doing my thing.

You see, there are very few things that adoptive mothers/father-to-be actually can control in this process. If I were actually pregnant I could do all sorts of productive things every day, or at least every week. I could start buying stuff and getting the baby's room ready without feeling that I would jinx myself. I could tick off the days and see my belly grow and think about my baby at each stage. I could read books...well, I'm doing plenty of that.

The paperwork phase was good for productivity. There was a mound of requirements, and I could tick each task off neatly as accomplished. Now, everything depends on someone else, or someone's government. We were told that our dossier was supposed to be in Ethiopia by the end of the week. Well, end of the week is here and haven't heard anything. Why is this important? Because now I can start waiting for a court date!

And here's another thing: I'm an extremely optimistic person by nature. With that, I'm just going to go ahead and think that it's possible for us to get a court date before rainy season. Now my brain also tells me that this is unlikely, and I shouldn't set myself up for disappointment and...more obsessing. But really, is there any other choice?

At school, a good day involves me actually doing my planning/grading during my planning period, and leaving school feeling like I was actually doing my job properly that day. Sadly, that was the case probably 2/5 days last week. It takes so much willpower not to...

1. Write the mysterious lady at USCIS twice a day and ask her about our fingerprints
2. Search through my agency's bloglist and older posts for information on...you name it
3. Look at Ethiopian/African baby names online
4. Research Ethiopian climate patterns from the last 10 years
5. Look at flights to Ethiopia...

And the list goes on.

But, when I get home, and talk to my husband, I find sanity. We drink a beer together, cook dinner, and listen to music. We talk about other stuff--holidays, moving, gossip, family, school, AND adoption. He balances me.