So the homestudy is over. We are exhausted. Really. Tired.
The first night we met our social worker and sorted paperwork. There were a couple of things missing, which distressed me more than it should have, since I had worked so hard to have everything perfectly in order. Turns out that the two items missing were easy to get together, especially with the help of dear friend B (again). Still, it was more of a rocky start than I had imagined.
The second day was FULL of interviews. During the morning we were interviewed together. Topics covered: how we met, our marriage, how we describe each other, our marriage thus far, how we resolve conflicts, thoughts on child rearing, what we will provide for our child, prioritizing, etc., etc. Shannon and I found that we had not thought of everything beforehand. Most things, yes, but thinking of adjective after adjective to describe everything about everything proved more challenging than expected.
After lunch Shannon had his interview alone first, then I had mine. Topics covered alone: background, Dad as a man, Dad as a father, Dad as a husband, what I learned from Dad, what I would change, then all the same with Mom; my successes/failures, how I describe myself, what I would change about myself, why I deserve to be a mother, etc., etc., etc. By this time it was hard to think of new things to say, and I was worn out to the max. Last night we vegged in front of the TV, zoned out, then hit the bed and slept hard.
This morning was very useful with an adoption training. The most important thing K (social worker) stressed was how we should not think of raising an "adopted" child, but a normal child. According to her, an experienced licensed child psychotherapist, the issues that most adoptive parents worry about are simply normal stages in child development, unless there has been systematic abuse in the life of the child. She said several times that children come into families in different ways, and that's that. As soon as we get our baby, she'll be our daughter, not our "adopted daughter." She recommended we read and study good books on child development and not worry too much about the special adoptive parenting books. This was new to me, and a great relief to Shannon.
Overall, the experience was draining and more difficult than anticipated. We're pretty sure she'll approve us, but...not as much of a shoe-in as we thought. The things we were forced to think about will be extremely helpful in the long run. Some stuff I am still processing and may blog about later. One thing is for sure: K is a serious professional and child advocate. I'm grateful for her experience and advice, and am confident in her competence (500 placements in China). This was a huge milestone for our adoption, and when it is complete, we'll really start rolling. This is really happening.
8 years ago
